homesick

At home the air is suffocating

All the bodies moving like swimming through sludge

Everything held so still time almost moves backwards

The alarm of knowing where your body ends

Its exact dimensions pushing back against the sky

The tension of the skin wrapped against its will 

At home the rain tastes so terrible

All the water risen up from the ocean

Like another sacrifice that would never work

The acid in each fallen drop on your hands

The acid in your mouth that came out like a drizzle

Burned onto my knees, they begged with the water

At home the pavement can fight back 

The black tar burning age into our pink soles

The heat rippling in the distance an oasis

Mirage we don’t yet know we will never reach

And by the time we figure it out we have learned

Not to fight back

And the road doesn’t hurt anymore

We don’t feel a thing

In los angeles there’s always noise you learn to forget

Until you wake up in the middle of the night from a horn

That blared just a little too close

How awful it seems right at that second

Just at that second 

On the highways i’m always looking for various cars 

In various models owned by various passed men

I used to have some variation of love for

I hate the highways that make me feel old

I hate the highways. They make me remember

What it’s like to be at home